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大学那时年纪小
我的第一次已经在大二时被同乡的师兄轻易地拿下。
在相识一周后某个风雨交加的夜晚，师兄托起我轻如鸿毛的身体放在教研室柔软的长沙发上，深邃得无边无际的黑暗遮挡不 住师兄的双手，他似乎熟悉我的每一寸肌肤，熟悉我肉体和精神每一个渴求。
他的双手像熨斗一样抚平我因焦灼而微微颤动的身体，师兄坚硬、灼热的男根刺穿了我的童贞，彻底释放出我内心压抑的冲 动，兴奋冲淡了疼痛，快感驱散了羞涩，男根在体内进出、搏动、喷射的力量震撼着我，在初夜我竟然勇敢地捧起了他累累垂垂 的囊袋，轻启朱唇含住了他粗壮的男根！
帅气的师兄从此成了我的亲密男友，也曾一度羡煞了同宿舍的女伴们，而与师兄男友交往的过程中，性爱几乎是固定的主题 ，两人的宿舍、校园的拐角处、图书馆后的大树下、熄灯后的教室里、深夜的操场看台边都曾见证过我们几乎无所顾忌的爱。
然而奇怪的是，在每次性爱中，我更像一个看客，看着英俊的男友痴迷地享受我的身体，感受着他火热坚硬的肉根在我身体 里发疯一般进进出出，等待着他颤抖着、呻吟着、软瘫在我的身上。
那时候师兄总喜欢用黑色的避孕套，他说黑色能唤起女人的激情，而我，似乎更钟爱红色；即使在某些安全的时候，师兄也 会戴上避孕套，他说爱我就必须让我百分百的安心。尽管我很爱他，在性爱上，我似乎更享受奉献的快乐，而非性爱本身，性爱 对我而言，完全是至真至美的爱情的附属品！
直到师兄毕业留校前，忽然传出他和某某校领导的千金相好并因此留校的消息，我们的关系骤然间陷入冰封，那时我读大三 ，我没有撒泼耍混，微笑着昂起头转身离去，任凭泪水模糊了双眼，我就这样挥别燃烧了不足一年的爱情，那是我的初恋！爱已 不再，恨有何益！
在所有人的面前，失恋的我并没有颓废，我依然谈笑风生，依然是班里的优等生，而我的内心时常抑制不住地隐隐作痛，摆 脱不了郁闷时我也曾溜出去和网友发生过一、夜情，用淫荡的性惩戒自己的天真。
而正是在与某位整比我大２０岁的老男人ＯＮＳ时我体会到了成为女人后的第一次高潮！然后是第二次、第三次，她们分属 于不同的男人，也教会了我不同的性爱秘诀。
毕业前的一个夜晚，我开了房约曾经的男友共度良宵，那一、夜，犹如性爱女神阿弗洛狄忒附身，我一次次近乎完美的性爱 表现折服了曾经自认为对我驾轻就熟的帅哥。
他的眼神从兴奋变成恐惧和悔恨，从自命不凡的骑乘，变成在我身下无助地呻吟，从喷薄而出到无精可射，曾经的师兄男友 终于在凌晨３点抱头痛哭，落荒而逃，而我没有泪水，没有哭泣，被一种由心底升起的释然所包围，睡得格外香甜。